Relationship Status: Single.

I’m 28. And the majority of society thinks I should be in a relationship, engaged to be married, and having a baby soon. I want that too, but I’m not going to force it to happen. And people who think that pushing me will make it happen, it won’t. It just makes me more nervous.

My parents were never married. When I was 18, the man who took care of me since I was 3, divorced my mom (and if my mom saw this, she’d probably get super mad at me and tell me to stop talking about this). But the point is, I’m not used to seeing love that lasts forever.

I understand what love is, but I’ve never felt what it’s like to be IN love. I’ve never been in love. I’ve had feelings, obviously. I will always remember my first crush in the 1st grade. My mom always tells me that he told me he loved me and that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. It was puppy love. Then he moved away. And when he came back he apparently didn’t remember me. So that was probably my first heartbreak.

I don’t really remember the crushes I had 2nd – 4th grade, but 5th and 6th grade came another crush. He was my first slow dance and it was to “This I Promise You” by N’Sync. But that became nothing because who has a boyfriend in the 6th Grade. We were friends and then that friendship drifted away.

Then 8th grade I liked my best guy friend at the time. I don’t know why or how that happened. But he was my first “boyfriend”. I got jealous and said stupid things. And that relationship was done immediately. I cried and apologized profusely. But I wasn’t forgiven and our friendship was gone just like that. Who knew that I’d be such a brat in the 8th grade? Relationships were so awkward at that stage.

High school, college, & post college were no different. I crushed on guys and our relationships went nowhere. P.S. I’m looking for people in the long run, not a sprint.

And now here I am, with no relationship. I’m single and not necessarily ready to mingle. Why do I think I’m single?

• I’m shy. I will never make the first move. I dub myself as pretty awkward, so I definitely don’t want to make that my first impression
• Dating apps creep me out sometimes considering you really don’t know who you’re talking to behind the phone screen.
• I rarely go out. How can I meet someone when all I do is work and go home? Where do people meet people?
• I have high expectations. Yes, I want you to be like the leading men I see in movies and television. 😂
• I don’t have any expectations. From the examples I have I don’t expect you to stay.
• I don’t feel like I’m completely satisfied with me. You gotta love yourself before you can love someone else right?

Basically, I’m working on myself. And when I feel like myself, then I’ll feel more confident to get out there and mingle.

I don’t really have time to finish this post, so I definitely feel like I’ll have a part two.

This challenege is a lot harder than I thought.

xoxo,

Adele

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